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aliassmith.
Where are the fics where Hawkeye is a total badass at everything EXCEPT THE BEDROOM?? I have been having an insanely busy/crap week and I need awkward boys (and girls because Darcy!!) to soothe my soul.
aliassmith.Where are the fics where Hawkeye is a total badass at everything EXCEPT THE BEDROOM?? I have been having an insanely busy/crap week and I need awkward boys (and girls because Darcy!!) to soothe my soul.
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From:
Nipples and Ice Cream 1/2
"Hey there, Cupid."
"Oh my god, please don't ever say that again."
"What?"
"Hulk calls me that. You can't expect me to be happy to see you when you're using a pet name I equate with big green."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is my naked body laying on your bed not enough?"
"Why is your naked body laying in my bed? We said we would wait!"
"And we have!"
"That was three days ago! And you-- You!"
"Me... what?"
"You're all naked and in my bed and... naked. Christ, I can see your nipples."
"You had your mouth on them last night!"
"That was through a t-shirt, it didn't count!"
"Are you seriously arguing against us having sex? I knew I should've gone for Tony."
"I'm not against us having sex, just not right away. And Tony is way too old for you. He's too old for me, and I'm still on the fence if I'm too old for you."
"Okay, that's it."
"Where are you going?"
"To see if Thor's bestest buddies are still here. Fandral's a bit of a tool, but he's got a way with the ladies. I'm sure he wouldn't say no to a naked chick in his bed."
"Stop, what are. Where are you even? You cannot have sex with Fandral! He's a douchenozzle! And you're my girlfriend!"
"Not if you wanna keep playing like we're in the third grade. I need a little more than hand-holding in the park and cuddly movie nights that end up leaving me frustrated enough to need to have a go with Armundo."
"Who is Armundo?!"
"My vibrator, chill out. I'm not two-timing you."
"Sorry, weren't you just about to run off and let Prince Dashing have his noble way with you?"
"Are you gay? Did you want me to, I don't know, be your beard or something? Wait, you and Tony aren't--"
"Me and Tony?! Where is this-- Why would you--?"
"Well I don't know! You just made that 'too old for you' crack and you and him are always messing around pulling pranks and stuff. Who knows what else the two of you have been getting up to?"
"I wish brain-bleach was a real thing. I want to wipe this conversation from my mind. The only one who's old enough for Tony is, I don't know, Steve or something, and that's only because Steve is in his ninties."
"Are Tony and Steve...?"
"I don't know! I don't care!"
"Not even about my naked body?"
"Darcy! The sheet!"
From:
Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
"I just... I really like you, okay? And I think our first time should be special."
"Oh my god, you're a virgin!"
"What? No!"
"Oh please, you totally are. Trust me, I know that embarrassed blush. I can't believe I didn't see it before! You're just so... badass most of the time. Jumping out of planes and night-vision goggles badass. I should've guessed when you wore that ridiculous vest when we were on our first date."
"Hey, you said you liked it!"
"Because my grandfather has the same one. No, no. It's good. Most girls like being courted like they're eighty-five."
"We've only been together a month!"
"Yes, and I've been waiting the whole time. Don't you want to be rid of it?"
"You're remarkably blasé about this."
"Just the sex thing. Not our relationship, I promise. I won't leave you the broken shell of a woman on your bathroom floor."
"Thank you, Natalie Imbruglia."
"If you're gonna be grumpy about this I'm just gonna go."
"Wait. Don't."
"Changed your mind?"
"Just... another week? Let me prepare for this."
"A week. Your girlfriend shows up nudie in your bed and you tell her you need a week to prepare. Fine. You are the most ridiculous man I've ever met. How on earth did you not lose it already? No, don't answer that. It was rhetorical. There better not be trapeze acts involved in your deflowering, Robin."
"At least put the sheet back on."
"I seriously want chocolate for this. A lot of chocolate."
"You mean, like. In here? When we...?"
"Right. I'll be in the kitchen with my Phish Food if you need me."
When she gets to the kitchen Tony is already there, clutching a carton of Hubby Hubby. She's rummaging through the freezer when she hears Steve enter the room.
"Oh! Tony! You're here. I was, um. Hungry."
Curious, she turns around in time to watch Steve's face turn bright red when Tony gives his spoon an obscene lick.
"Shower!" Steve practically shouts. "I'm going to. And then, um. Maybe dinner, I think. Hi, Darcy."
He gives Darcy a pained smile before he takes in the fact that she's wrapped in a sheet. She watches Steve's eyes go wide before he backs through the doorway.
"Right. Um. Bye."
When she joins Tony at the table he holds his spoon out to her and grins ruefully when she clinks hers against it.
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From:
Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
"Just... another week? Let me prepare for this."
And one wonders just how Clint is going to PREPARE. :DDD
♥♥♥♥
From:
Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
Then Darcy came into the room and he tripped and crashed into the dresser, which sent the candles everywhere, and into the curtains of course, and that's the story of how Clint wound up accidentally setting fire to the bed the night he tried to romantically lose his virginity.
Darcy's all "When I said we were gonna set the bed on fire I didn't mean literally," and Clint is all facepalm about it. For the rest of his life, because noone will let him forget it.
But then that night Darcy and Clint have sex in the bed of his pickup truck and Darcy is all "This is eerily reminiscent of my first time," and Clint is all :D about it.
*nods*
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
THIS!!
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
Also love the idea of Darcy and Tony both in the kitchen with their comfort icecream - Steve not putting out either?!
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
Yeah, I think Tony had a talk with Steve that went something like "whenever you're ready, you just let me know, til then I'm just gonna do as many sexual things I can get away with in public around you to try and get you hot" that left Steve pretty much "!!!" because he didn't even know they were dating, or something. Then there was a lot of stammering and blushing and now Steve can't look Tony in the face anymore without thinking "ohgodohgod this man wants to have sex with me oh god." ;)
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
♥
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Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2
"He really likes the suit. I bet I could..."
"No, Tony, you cannot fuck him while in the suit."
"Well, no, not right now, but with a few adjustments..."
"Omg, my brain. Please stop talking right now. I mean we all know you have a metal fetish but I don't need to know, know. You know?"
From:
Re: Nipples and Ice Cream 2/2