FFA Fic - i wouldn't have to

[kellifer]

Title: i wouldn't have to
Rating/Warning: PG (language)
Wordcount: 4,000
Spoilers: None
Fandom: SG-1
By: kellifer_fic
Category: Gen AU (Cameron/Daniel friendship)
Summary: After the first disastrous mission, Jack O'Neill and Daniel Jackson leave the Stargate program. Years later, they return.
Notes: Fusion with His Dark Materials - do not have to be familiar with the books to read. Some liberties have been taken.
Disclaimer: Written for entertainment purposes only. No money, no sue.

A dæmon is a manifestation of the soul of a conscious person in the Philip Pullman trilogy His Dark Materials. In those universes people are born with physical dæmons, they exist external to the human in the form of animals representative of the person's personality.

"If you were a little smarter you could tell me what you were thinking,' and he'd look at me like he was saying, 'If you were a little smarter, I wouldn't have to"

The presence of all the department heads in the conference room lets Cameron know that this isn't any kind of normal meeting. Sam is a jittering bundle of ticks beside him, excited in a way Cameron hasn't seen before. Everyone's heard the rumor that something pretty spectacular is coming to the mountain this time and this meeting confirms at least that part.

Everyone had been a little on edge since General Hammond had handed over to General O’Neill who had, until a few weeks before, been running Area 51.

O’Neill stands at the head of the table as Sam and Cameron scoot inside, late enough to have to stand against the wall with Doctor Yannish and Doctor Lai who cast them sidelong glances and shuffle to make more room.

Cameron hopes it's a quick meeting because he's breaking in new boots and his feet are killing him.

O’Neill clears his throat and the chatter subsides immediately, all faces turned towards him. Cameron smirks to himself, knowing that it usually takes a lot more than that to get the egos present in this room to shut the hell up but everyone wants to know what's going on for once, eager to start the meeting. Sam's bony elbow digs into Cameron's ribs and Cameron looks at her and scowls. Sam gives him her impatient pay attention face and Cameron didn't know that he wasn't. He feels Trevor's cold nose press into the back of his hand and Cameron turns it over so he has one of the big black wolf's ears in his fingers, rubbing reassuringly.

"I wanted to hold this meeting because I want to get something straight," O’Neill starts. O’Neill 's beagle dæmon Cuna rubs at her face with her paws in an impatient fashion. "I'm sure the rumors have gotten around to you all by now despite my directive so I'll be blunt," he continues and Cameron feels Sam stiffen beside him, her field mouse Sinjin quivering on her shoulder.

"I want all of you to make it clear to your direct reports, and for them to make it clear to their direct reports," O’Neill says and Cuna stares down the assembled dæmons much like O’Neill is staring down the people. "Doctor Jackson will be our guest and I want him treated as such."

Cameron blinks for a second, thrown. He's not sure how the impending arrival of another guy with letters behind his name is such a cause for concern but Cameron is pretty sure from the reaction in the room that he's the only one that's in the dark about it. Sinjn starts rubbing her paws together in a way that means she's agitated and Trevor lets out a disgruntled huff, obviously irked that he's as oblivious as Cameron himself.

"This is ridiculous," Lai snaps from Cameron's left and O’Neill's attention jumps to Lai, his eyes narrowed.

"Something to contribute, Doctor Lai?" he prompts and Lai deflates, but his outburst seems to give Doctor Gardner courage because the man slaps a hand on the table in front of him and sits up from a discontented slump.

"He said it's goddamned ridiculous and I agree," Gardner says. "It's just... how are we supposed to work with someone like that?"

"There's nothing wrong with Doctor Jackson," O’Neill says and the civilians in the room might not recognize that his tone is now a dangerous one but Cameron certainly does. The tide’s turning from polite acceptance though if the grumbling around the table is any indication.

"Are you kidding me?" Sam growls and that startles a laugh out of Cameron that he can't quite catch with his hand. The people who aren't glaring at O’Neill are glaring at Cameron now. He sinks back into the wall as Yannish and Lai awkwardly crab-walk further away from him like they don't want to be associated with whatever this is despite Lai being the one to open the can of worms in the first place. "Doctor Jackson's brilliant,” Sam says, pushing herself off the wall and into the fray. “We'll be lucky to have him."

"You can't expect us to be able to control the reactions of our people," Doctor Shore pipes up, a small woman with a permanently startled look. "It's... unsettling."

"It's unnatural," Gardner interjects, clearly not finished with his argument.

The room shifts in temperature and Gardner obviously feels it too. He suddenly loses the support and it swings. Cameron's still not really sure what's going on but he can kind of guess from the way the argument has been going. Gardner opens and closes his mouth like he can't believe he let that one escape. It’s one thing to voice concern and another to land yourself firmly in the intolerant asshole camp.

"I don't think we're getting anywhere with this," O’Neill interrupts when Gardner almost turns purple in either fear or indignation, Cameron can't quite tell which. "I didn't mean to give you all the impression that this was up for discussion."

000

"Just what the hell was that?" Cameron demands. Teal’c is loitering outside the meeting room, obviously expecting to be debriefed as soon as humanly possible about the mysterious meeting. Cameron offers him a wry grin as he and Teal’c tail after Sam from the conference room.

Sam makes a beeline for the cafeteria and heads to their usual table. She doesn't snag a dessert glass of jello even though the dessert shelf is full of them so she must be really upset about something. Teal’c gives Cameron a puzzled look and he shrugs in return, still pretty much in the dark himself.

Teal’c drops into place on Sam's side of the table and slides over one of the three glasses of jello he's managed to juggle in one large hand. Sinjn immediately scurries down Sam's arm and dives face-first into the glass which makes Teal’c raise an eyebrow which is practically hysterics for him. Trevor rounds the table and stares meaningfully at Teal’c until he grunts in defeat and sets his second glass down on the floor where Trevor can inhale it.

Despite his gruff exterior, Teal’c's a giant push-over.

"I would say that I was surprised but that wouldn't be true," Sam grumbles, plucking Sinjn out of the jello and brushing the cream topping off him patiently before rubbing a contemplative thumb over his furry tummy.

"Sam, what's going on?" Cameron presses.

"Doctor Jackson doesn't have a dæmon," Sam finally lets out in a huff and Cameron just blinks at her. Teal’c doesn’t look surprised but considering the Jaffa have something they refer to as an inner soul, he probably wouldn’t understand quite what that means.

Cameron though, he's not quite sure how to process that little bit of information. "How is he even..." Cameron makes a helpless gesture with his hands, not really sure how to describe it.

"Alive?" Sam finishes the question for him and this time Teal’c does look more than a little confused. He knows the difference between a dæmon and a pet at a fundamental level but still probably can't fathom the kind of connection that exists, that losing a dæmon would be like losing your heart or lungs. "That's the not-so-funny thing. Doctor Jackson died."

"Did we hire a zombie?" Cameron asks.

"On his first mission, Jackson was killed stepping in front of a staff blast that was meant for O'Neill. He was brought back using a Sarcophagus and he didn't... his dæmon was gone."

"I would be interested to meet this Doctor Jackson," Teal’c says, a decision rather than a request.

Sam shrugs. "I'm sure it won't be a problem. Not many people would be willing to."

"Is that why the General’s protective of Jackson?" Cameron asks. He’s always been a fast study of people, especially commanding officers and even though O’Neill had seemed astoundingly laid back for a man in his position, Cameron had gotten the impression that there was definitely an unyielding core to him. "Because it could have been him?"

"I don't know," Sam sighs, rubbing a hand over her face. "Maybe he just likes the guy and isn't an intolerant bastard that runs in the face of anything he doesn't understand."

000

When Cameron sees O’Neill walking the hall with a soldier he doesn’t recognize, it takes Cameron a moment to realize that the soldier walking by O'Neill's side is actually not a soldier at all, but Doctor Jackson. Cameron wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting, knew from reading mission reports that Jackson had been doing field retrievals for years but all the same he wasn't expecting someone with broad shoulders, a square jaw and a sharp look either.

As he's watching though, the sharp look turns out to be a squint as O'Neill hands over a pair of glasses he'd been rubbing on the bottom of his jacket and Jackson puts them on. O'Neill’s beagle is at his heel but Jackson has nothing by his side. The absence is almost a physical thing and while some people's dæmon's are small enough to be hidden most of the time, Sinjn case in point, there is something about Jackson that makes it obvious.

He's not less by any stretch of the imagination. Rather he seems to be a little... more.

Cameron shakes himself, realizing that he's guilty of openly staring and darts forward, offering O'Neill a salute. O'Neill nods and then snags Jackson by the elbow, reeling him in like an errant child.

Jackson darts eyes at Cameron who offers his hand. Jackson startles a little, but then smiles, seemingly pleased. "Colonel Mitchell?" he assumes and nods when Cameron does.

When O’Neill hands Jackson off to Harriman to get him situated, O'Neill ushers Cameron aside and says in a low voice, "Who do I need to talk to?"

Cameron could feign ignorance but he knows exactly what O'Neill is asking for. He's asking who he needs to address in the military to get the others to fall in line about Jackson's presence, make sure there's no trouble that Jackson will see. "Cortez for the Marines," he says immediately, Cortez tending towards curious rather than judgemental as a person. "Major Dixon for the Air Force."

"Not you?" O'Neill asks, quirking an eyebrow. He doesn't look surprised which Cameron decides not to take as an insult.

"Dixon's honest, a straight shooter and he's liked," Cameron explains. "It wouldn't be a leap for me to be okay with this. They'll take Dixon's approval a little more seriously."

"Fair enough," O'Neill says, then looks at the retreating backs of Harriman and Jackson, something tight in his expression. "How much of a pain are the civilians going to be?"

"I can't promise anything,” Cameron says.

"Fair enough," O'Neill allows with a wry expression.

"Anyway, if Jackson wants to go for a stroll any time soon he can come with my team. I've got a Jaffa on board and we’re down a member."

“I was sorry to hear about Eldridge,” O’Neill offers, surprising Cameron. Cameron himself had only joined SG-1 the year earlier, fitting into an already established team and when Eldridge was killed only weeks after he joined, Cameron was left stunned, wondering if his presence had thrown off the successful team dynamic just enough to let something devastating happen. Most SG teams had a pretty high mortality rate, SG-1 beating the odds right up until Cameron had settled in.

"The Jaffa... no dæmons, right?" O'Neill asks and if anyone else had queried it, Cameron probably would have bristled but O'Neill just sounds intrigued and reassured.

000

Cameron hears that Jackson is working his way through most of the scientists with varying results. Some are so happy to have a person interested in their work that they totally disregarded Jackson's small affliction but others flatly refuse to even meet with him.

Cameron doesn’t see Jackson for a few weeks after their initial meeting but when he does, Jackson's got a book open, reading while he’s walking and he snaps it closed and hugs it against his chest when he spots Cameron. "Colonel Mitchell, nice to see you again,” he greets.

"I was wondering if you were interested in taking a turn about the galaxy?" Cameron asks. "We've got a milk run coming up so it wouldn't be any trouble."

"That's be good," Jackson agrees readily. "I used to be able to stay in one place for months on digs and not be bothered by it but I think I caught Jack's itchy feet."

Cameron chuckles dutifully because he's supposed to, but something is starting to bother him. It's the familiarity and warmth Jackson treats O'Neill with and the stories that are growing like ugly weeds because of it. He knows he shouldn't ask, isn't a curious person by nature but, "So, you and the General are... close?" Cameron finally gets out. He’s not even sure why he feels the need to stick his nose in where it doesn’t belong, other than not wanting Jackson to have to deal with more scandal. He doesn't want to look too closely at why there might be another reason that his stomach is doing uncomfortable flips at the idea of Jackson and O'Neill together.

Jackson just stares at him for a moment before he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "I'll have to tell Jack we've been found out already." Cameron's a little startled that Jackson would admit it so readily but then Jackson says, "Ours is a forbidden love you see and I really-" He cuts himself off with a laugh, wipes at his eyes. "Dammit, I thought after all this time I'd be able to get that out with a straight face."

"You get asked that a lot?" Cameron says, feeling like an idiot.

"Not in so many words," Jackson says in a careful way that Cameron accepts is Jackson being more polite that he really needs to be about it.

"I wasn't asking because it's a problem or I have a problem with it," Cameron hastens to add and Jackson takes a moment to give him an assessing look before nodding.

"You know, it's actually nice for someone to ask me about that before they ask me about..." Jackson waves a hand at the empty space beside himself and smiles, a little sad. "Makes me almost feel normal."

000

Cameron would never admit it, but he kind of likes the way Teal’c unsettles new people. Watching Jackson prattle at him ten minutes after stepping through the gate and Teal’c just kind of bear it with an amused expression is not the norm. O’Neill's beside him as they walk towards the village of the people known as Denadai and he looks about as startled by this development as Cameron feels.

O'Neill is with them because he’d made it seem like he was being dragged along even though Cameron knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would not have let Jackson step one foot through the gate without being on his heels. He’s being subtle about keeping one eye on Jackson, ever vigilant.

"He certainly seems no different," Teal’c observes when he drops back to Cameron’s side, watching Jackson range ahead, now prattling at Sam.

Cameron gets a strong sense of being watched. He looks down at Trevor and he's got his ears forward, a low rumbling growl starting up in his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, Cameron sees Teal’c still, reaching out and touching Jackson's elbow in front of them. Jackson immediately freezes and Cameron's impressed. O'Neill's moved closer to Cameron without him noticing and now makes a gesture, eyes on us.

There's a whistling sound and Cameron dives sideways on instinct, sees out of the corner of his eye Sam and O'Neill do the same. Cameron's rolling to his feet when he sees Sam clutch at her neck and then stumble, go down. "Carter!" Cameron calls, shoving aside the dread he feels at seeing Sam go down in favour of getting to her. Sam's hand is thrown out, Sinjn curled and unmoving in her fingers.

Cameron feels a sting on his bicep as he crab-walks over to Sam, looks down and sees a barb sticking out of his jacket sleeve. He rips it out, knowing it hit skin but hoping his jacket took most of whatever was on it. He knows he hasn't been that lucky though when the world goes fuzzy at the edges and the crab-walk turns into a clumsy crawl. He hears someone say his name close to him, thinks it's Teal’c by the gruffness but he's suddenly lying on his side without meaning to and then there's nothing.

000

Cameron wakes to a low barking. He thinks it's Trevor for a second but when he reaches out Trevor is stretched out by his side, warm but unmoving. As Cameron's mind comes back more fully online, he realizes he's hearing someone speaking, a language that seems to be all low consonants. Cameron opens his eyes more fully, raises his head enough to see Jackson gesturing emphatically at a smaller man dressed in the colors of dirt and sand.

Jackson's the one that's speaking and he sounds pissed.

Cameron sits up slowly, mindful of the drugs probably still swimming around in his system. He's on a bed, nothing more than a low platform with a hard mattress stuffed with Cameron doesn't want to know what considering how pokey it is. He sees Teal’c perched on a ridiculously small chair in the corner of the room, watching Jackson with an intent expression.

Cameron scans the rest of the room, sees O'Neill on another bed like his, stirring slowly. His beagle is perched on the end of the bed looking about as annoyed as Jackson sounds. Sam's still out on a bed beside Cameron’s own but as Cameron reaches for her, Sinjn pops up and gives him a she's fine twitch of his whiskers. He darts around Sam's body until she grumbles and rolls over.

Teal’c notices Cameron's conscious and darts over to him, touches his arm and passes a hand close to Trevor, a reassuring gesture with no actual contact. "What happened?" Cameron grunts, voice pitched low so as not to disturb Jackson's obvious tirade.

"The Denadai are usually very isolated. Other than the initial contact with one of our teams, they had not encountered dæmon before."

Cameron groans and rubs at his forehead. The first contact teams were made up of people that could hide their dæmon considering some inhabitants of other worlds didn't have them. Cameron understood how it could be jarring and they usually introduced the idea of the dæmon slowly to those that hadn't come across them before. The Denadai were regarded as peaceful, a non-threat; they hadn't really thought that they might react badly.

"Doctor Jackson says a lot of their faith was based around animals, that people who were twinned with an animal were soulless, they needed the animal's spirit to anchor them to the world."

Jackson's stopped talking while Teal’c was explaining the situation to Cameron and he’s nodding at the small man who is speaking in a low, placatory tone. Teal’c leans into Cameron and says, "Doctor Jackson was just explaining to the Denadai that they were incorrect in their assumptions."

"How does he speak the language?" Cameron asks, puzzled.

"I don't, not really," Jackson says, obviously having dismissed the Denadai representative who had hurried from his presence given the opportunity. "Jaxus thinks my accent's terrible."

"Daniel's very... unique," O'Neill says from his side of the room. The words could be cutting but O'Neill offers an indulgent smile when he speaks and Jackson rolls his eyes and huffs in a way that Cameron thinks means he's pleased.

"It's not that hard," Jackson dismisses. "Know enough root languages and you can puzzle anything out given enough motivation."

"Motivation?" Sam grunts, easing herself upright with a disgruntled expression.

"They were going to sacrifice you guys to their gods to appease their anger," Jackson says, making a gesture that encompasses Cameron, Sam and O'Neill. "Y'know, motivation."

"Daniel's fast-talked me out of more sacrificial offerings than I can count," O'Neill says with a chuckle and a shake to the head, standing.

"Yes, well, their tolerance only goes so far," Jackson says. "They would really prefer we leave."

"I would really prefer that too," Sam says.

"Sorry to cut your first trip out so short," Cameron apologizes when they've gathered their gear and are heading back to the gate.

"I'll talk to the first contact teams about a dæmon introduction protocol when we get back," Jackson muses and Cameron nods.

"Good idea."

000

Jackson is sitting in the commissary by himself when Cameron finds him. Cameron is always expecting to see O'Neill lurking wherever Jackson is so it's a little bit of a surprise to see him alone. Jackson's at one of the small tables set up off to the side, hunched over a pile of folders and with a laptop open. Jackson doesn't notice him until Cameron's standing right in front of him and even then it takes Cameron clearing his throat.

"Oh hi, sorry!" Jackson says brightly. "Did you need something?"

"I know you needed Sam to give you access to some of the encrypted databases. There's a key," Cameron says, holding out a thumb drive.

Jackson takes the drive with a wary smile. " I thought she'd have some scared little lab assistant to fetch and carry for her." Jackson pulls on his lower lip for a second like he’s deciding something and then says, "Her name was Sha're,"

Cameron’s surprised, feeling anticipation thrum through Trevor at the edges of his awareness in the hallway outside the commissary. Trevor had nudged Cameron inside without him. Jackson's eyes have dropped back to the folder in his hands and he closes it, rubs over the front absently. "She was a coyote and I can still... feel her inside."

"I didn't come here to ask you about her," Cameron says gently. He's not entirely sure why he had sought out Jackson, a little discomfited by the prospect that it was purely for company, whether his motives are at all that simple.

"I know," Jackson says. "I don't think you ever would have which is why it would probably be easier to tell you about her."

"You can," Cameron offers. "If you ever want to."

"I'd like that," Jackson says. "I can't really... Jack blames himself so if I ever bring her up he gets this look to him. I don't want to punish him for something that wasn't his fault in the first place."

"How much longer are you here?" Cameron asks.

"Indefinitely I think," Jackson says. "Still not nearly enough time for me to look at everything.”

"You think I'll be allowed to take you through the 'gate again?" Cameron asks. "I've got a few places that are actually safe that I think you'd like." When Jackson nods Cameron grins. "Cool. I'll set it up."

"Hey, thanks by the way."

"For what?" Cameron asks, halfway to turning around to head back out the door.

"For not asking."