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I got a shiny new computer - I splurged and got a Sony Vaioiaioaioa (sp???) and a lot of people have been saying Windows 8 is pants and I get why it would be for normal laptops and desktops but with the touchscreen laptop I really like it. It makes everything super easy and I think it's mostly made for the touchscreen. (Apparently it has a non-marking screen. Ha! Fingerprints ago-go! I'm assuming they just wipe off or maybe my flatmate just has super greasy sausage fingers).
Basically - I always feel weird buying something new for myself when I have something that still works that carries out the same function. I've had the same television since I was 21. It's hugmungous and it sits on top of a chest of drawers in my room and if I got a flatscreen I would actually be able to put other things on top of my drawers as well (I don't have a lot of surfaces to put things on) but I still resist because the television still works.
The laptop I already had basically has a fritzed connection between the screen and the computer itself, in that the screen will go black if you touch it the wrong way and you have to jiggle it gently for ages to get it to come back. Which basically means I have a glorified desktop because you can't move my laptop around. YET, I still wibbled about getting a new one because it still 'worked'.
I've always been fiercly independant and I think this is where my terror to spend money comes from. I have family that would do anything for me, but I still feel like it's on me to take care of myself completely. I moved out of home at 17 not because I didn't get along with them but just because I couldn't share a tiny room with my 19 year old sister anymore. (She had moved out and then moved back in 6 months later and I JUST COULD NOT DO IT ANYMORE).
My sister and I have always been vastly different. I was the kid that would play by myself happily for hours, while she had to be entertained. She ended up living at home with my parents until she was 30 and married - she moved straight out of my parents' house and in with her husband. I get anxious and twitchy if I don't have solid alone time. I did live with a boyfriend for about 2 years, but that decision wasn't mine, which sounds weird - but it was something that just kind of happened in a share house and I didn't feel like I could say that I wasn't ready for it or something - I have a thing where sometimes I'll leave myself in discomfort just to avoid conflict which is a terrible thing. I'm a weird mix of people pleaser and loner.
I just kind of frame my life in terms of me. I don't allow space for another person - which is actually something more than one boyfriend has said to me in frustration. People assume I don't like them when I first meet them because I'm actually quite introverted but probably don't appear to be when in company of people I'm comfortable with - but it takes a long time to reach that level of comfort. That and I have one of those faces that is a murder face when at rest like Jeremy Renner.
So, spending money, even when reasonable, is hard. I've made things worse by getting a financial advisor because she's also always SAVE MONEY, YOU MUST. What for? Some nebulous future where I have only myself to rely on. It's hard not to get angry at my sister who prods me about buying a place of my own and I have to resist the urge to be like, yeah? You want me to buy a house like you did? I'm sorry if I didn't live rent free until I was 30 years old and then have a partner to pay for half of everything who is also, might I point out, a builder so they were able to buy a crappier place and fix it up which I would not have the option of - I would need to buy somewhere that is DONE.
I'm probably rambling about this more because I don't want to face at the moment THE OTHER THING THAT IS HAPPENING. Thanks if you made it this far. I'm sure I had a point when I started but I think I lost it somewhere.
Basically - I always feel weird buying something new for myself when I have something that still works that carries out the same function. I've had the same television since I was 21. It's hugmungous and it sits on top of a chest of drawers in my room and if I got a flatscreen I would actually be able to put other things on top of my drawers as well (I don't have a lot of surfaces to put things on) but I still resist because the television still works.
The laptop I already had basically has a fritzed connection between the screen and the computer itself, in that the screen will go black if you touch it the wrong way and you have to jiggle it gently for ages to get it to come back. Which basically means I have a glorified desktop because you can't move my laptop around. YET, I still wibbled about getting a new one because it still 'worked'.
I've always been fiercly independant and I think this is where my terror to spend money comes from. I have family that would do anything for me, but I still feel like it's on me to take care of myself completely. I moved out of home at 17 not because I didn't get along with them but just because I couldn't share a tiny room with my 19 year old sister anymore. (She had moved out and then moved back in 6 months later and I JUST COULD NOT DO IT ANYMORE).
My sister and I have always been vastly different. I was the kid that would play by myself happily for hours, while she had to be entertained. She ended up living at home with my parents until she was 30 and married - she moved straight out of my parents' house and in with her husband. I get anxious and twitchy if I don't have solid alone time. I did live with a boyfriend for about 2 years, but that decision wasn't mine, which sounds weird - but it was something that just kind of happened in a share house and I didn't feel like I could say that I wasn't ready for it or something - I have a thing where sometimes I'll leave myself in discomfort just to avoid conflict which is a terrible thing. I'm a weird mix of people pleaser and loner.
I just kind of frame my life in terms of me. I don't allow space for another person - which is actually something more than one boyfriend has said to me in frustration. People assume I don't like them when I first meet them because I'm actually quite introverted but probably don't appear to be when in company of people I'm comfortable with - but it takes a long time to reach that level of comfort. That and I have one of those faces that is a murder face when at rest like Jeremy Renner.
So, spending money, even when reasonable, is hard. I've made things worse by getting a financial advisor because she's also always SAVE MONEY, YOU MUST. What for? Some nebulous future where I have only myself to rely on. It's hard not to get angry at my sister who prods me about buying a place of my own and I have to resist the urge to be like, yeah? You want me to buy a house like you did? I'm sorry if I didn't live rent free until I was 30 years old and then have a partner to pay for half of everything who is also, might I point out, a builder so they were able to buy a crappier place and fix it up which I would not have the option of - I would need to buy somewhere that is DONE.
I'm probably rambling about this more because I don't want to face at the moment THE OTHER THING THAT IS HAPPENING. Thanks if you made it this far. I'm sure I had a point when I started but I think I lost it somewhere.
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