Title: Five Disastrous Dates
By: [livejournal.com profile] kellifer_fic
Fandom: SGA
Rating: PG
Category: Lorne/Novak
Words: 1,697
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, no money!
Notes: Fic is standalone but part of the Relationship From Scratch Series

Summary: Sometimes the Universe really is out to screw you... or make sure you aren't.

Popcornus Interruptus

“My God, that smells heavenly! What is that?”

“Fresh popcorn,” Lorne said, grinning and skirting the couch. Lindsay was sitting in the middle, socked feet up on his makeshift coffee table, a petrified something or other he’d gotten from P4M-989 that he’d covered with a throw he’d gotten from Teyla and David Parrish refused to go near.

“Wow. Invader Zim on a projector and popcorn. You really know a way to a geeky girl’s heart.”

Lorne once again silently thanked Katie Brown who had explained Novak’s weird affection for a rather odd cartoon that Lorne had found himself completely hooked on after only one episode. When he’d stuck a post-it with a crude drawing of a planet and the word ‘Earth’ onto the left side of the large schematic of the Pegasus Galaxy someone had mocked up, Lindsay had laughed long and loud.

God how he’d loved that sound.

They were both just scooching down on the couch and Lorne was sneaking a hand tentatively towards Lindsay’s knee, when there was a crash at his door. Both he and Lindsay craned their heads around and saw when the door slid back, Ronon and Rodney wrestling in the doorway. When both men noticed they were being observed, they straightened up.

“Ah, hi!” Rodney said brightly.

“Hello…” Lorne tried to convey with just his eyebrows how much he was going to murder both of them if they did not disappear immediately, but Rodney was oblivious and Ronon just smirked at him.

“Look, we wouldn’t normally just barge in-“ At that Lindsay snorted. “But we were passing your door and Ronon thought-“

“You did too,” Ronon interrupted, jabbing Rodney in the side with his elbow.

“Yes, okay, but anyway, we thought we smelt-“

“Popcorn!” Ronon said with the kind of glee usually resolved for twelve-year-old boys and charged into Lorne’s quarters. He dropped himself beside Lindsay and grabbed a handful from the bowl she was holding, shoved it in his mouth and around his mouthful said, “Do you mind?”

“No… not at all,” Lindsay sighed.

“Is that Invader Zim? I love that show!” Rodney exclaimed, dropping down beside Lorne on the other side of the couch so he and Lindsay were pressed together. He reached over Lorne to grab some popcorn.

Lorne was mentally plotting the many and varied ways he was going to kill both men when Lindsay’s fingers twined with his own and she dropped her head onto his shoulder.

For some reason, Lorne couldn’t quite hold onto his anger or rational thought after that.

My Commander, My Worst Enemy

“Sorry, Colonel Sheppard got the dates we were supposed to have the reviews in mixed up and we ended up having to finish them all tonight and…”

Lorne stuttered into silence when he rounded the small alcove in Lindsay’s quarters that cut off her kitchen area from the rest of the place, one of the only rooms to have a kitchen, and found her slumped over at the little ancient eat-in nook, a book on her face.

Lorne grinned and lifted the book away carefully and then slid arms under Lindsay’s legs and dropped one of her arms over his shoulder.

“Oh hey, you made it,” she murmured sleepily into his chest as he lifted her.

“Yeah, and you pulled an all-nighter again, didn’t you?”

Lindsay’s only response was to curl a hand into Lorne’s shirt.

“Yeah, I thought so,” he sighed, carrying her into her bedroom, not exactly the way he had planned. When she had a blanket tucked under her chin, he made quick work of the tight knot of her hair, pulling it loose and around her face, running strands through his fingers.

He rubbed a thumb over the crease the countertop had made in her cheek and smiled to himself.

Rescue is a Dangerous Business

“That’ll teach you to go swimming,” Carson sighed and Lorne scowled at him.

“I wasn’t swimming,” he growled through gritted teeth.

“I’m really-“

“Parrish, if you apologise one more time, I’m going to…” Lorne couldn’t think of an adequate threat because Carson right at that moment plucked a 12-inch barb out of the most holy of places and Lorne was concentrating on not passing out.

“Well, the good news is, the wound looks clean. It’ll heal nicely barring infection.” Carson surveyed his handiwork for another beat before finally handing a robe to Lorne who slipped it on gratefully and then sat up slowly.

“Now, alternately with ice and heat and the swelling should subside in about a week.”

“A week?” Lorne groaned, accepting the pads Carson was handing him.

“What were you doing laddie?” Carson asked, looking sympathetic.

“I was fishing a botanist out of the drink,” Lorne replied, his eyes skating to Parrish, who was still hopping anxiously from foot to foot. Apparently the review of P9Y-763 wasn’t completely accurate when it listed no indigenous fauna, as Lorne had found out when he’d waded into a river to retrieve Parrish who had slipped off a ledge.

“Well, okay then. Now, no… you know for at least three weeks. Four to be safe”

“What?” Parrish blinked in confusion when Lorne slapped a palm to his face and let out a low moan.

Lorne looked at him and thought that it was lucky that his holster was out of reach.

I Feel Something Has Come Between Us

“You ever get the feeling like we’re jinxed?”

Lindsay looked at him. She had shadows under her eyes and all he wanted to do was run his fingertips along them and then down her cheekbones, around her jaw and to the back of her neck and dig in until all the tension melted away.

He pressed his palm against cool glass instead.

“I often think I’m jinxed, but you seemed pretty lucky up until me,” Lindsay sighed and then canted her head. “Oh my god, what if it’s a like a field of unlucky that I generate around me? You’d better run for your life.”

Lorne looked across the cell he was in. Five feet from one wall to the other, front and back the same. “I would, but I don’t think I’d get very far.”

Lindsay snorted and then flushed. “So, what were we going to do before this happened?” She asked.

The natives of MJ8-564 were friendly right up until Lindsay hiccupped of all things. Then they flew into a panic, thinking it was a sign of illness of some kind and slapped Lorne and his team plus Lindsay and another engineer called Bartook into a type of quarantine. They were assured that they would be let out after forty-eight hours, enough time for them to be analyzed and cleared of any threat of contagion.

“I was going to cook. You were going to be amazed and then throw yourself at me shamelessly.”

“Oh I was, was I?” Lindsay cocked an eyebrow and Lorne nodded.

“Absolutely. I was going to resist at first, considering I’m delicate and everything, but then I would finally give in.”


“Yep, after you were really persuasive.”

“And just how-“

“Okay, I’m going to have to say something before this gets embarrassing,” a voice came from their left, outside their cell and both Lindsay and Lorne whipped around, seeing a casually leaning Sheppard on the outside of the cell, a wicked glint in his eye.

“Sir,” Lorne shot to his feet and Sheppard made a dismissive wave of the hand, letting Lorne relax while Lindsay got to her feet more slowly. “Are you springing us?”

“Absolutely. Carson came through and explained to the nice locals just exactly what hiccups were. Brought slides and everything.”

“I’m so sorry Colonel,” Lindsay sighed, flushing beet-red.

“That’s okay, Doctor. Apparently the locals insist on making it up to everyone. They’re throwing a banquet so I’m sorry to say you’re going to have to forgo your dinner plans.”

“Yes, Sir,” Lorne sighed, looking at Lindsay who was chewing her lip.

“Oh, and the way Teyla tells it, these people like to part-tay. We’re going to all be stuck here for five days.”

“Oh my god,” Lindsay said, slapping a hand to her forehead.

Never Look a Gift Horse In the Mouth

“Is this going to become a thing with us?” Lorne asked, looking at the blocked door. There’d been a partial corridor collapse right outside the storage room he and Lindsay had been in, strangely enough completely innocently and independently of each other and now they were trapped.

Lorne had tried explaining how independently he and Lindsay had come to be trapped in a storage room on one of the sub-basement levels to Colonel Sheppard and had gotten the feeling that no one was going to believe either of them.

“Ow!” Lindsay yelped, sticking singed fingers into her mouth.

“What are you doing?” Lorne asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “These doors are blocked from the outside.

“The collapse must have caused a short,” Lindsay said, shrugging and crossing the small space to him.

“No it didn… mmph!” Evan Lorne to his dying day would deny squeaking when Lindsay wrapped arms around his neck, went up on her toes and sucked his bottom lip into her mouth.

“Oh for pete’s sake!” she grumbled when she pulled away and unzipped and yanked off his tac vest in one smooth motion. “Every person in Atlantis is going to be talking about how we were down here making out before the collapse happened.”

His BDU jacket was off and Lindsay had her tiny, evil hands on his belt when Lorne grabbed them. “Hang on, we weren’t.”

Lindsay smiled, an impish expression that made her eyes go up, her cheeks look sharper and Lorne felt his throat go dry.

“And what with the blasted short that has happened as well,” Lindsay continued, her grin going wider, positively Cheshire-like. “Well, I’d say it’s going to take them at least two hours to get us out of here.”

“Two hours huh?” Lorne’s own smile washed over his face as he toyed with the zipper on the front of Lindsay’s coveralls.

“Yes, and well… I’ve heard that I’m known to be persuasive.”
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