kellifer: (Dean airfist)
kellifer ([personal profile] kellifer) wrote2007-09-06 06:25 pm

"Boy Talk"

Title: Boy Talk
Author: [livejournal.com profile] kellifer_fic
Rating: Adult (for language)
Category: SPN, Gen.
Warnings: None
Wordcount: 589
Summary: This would never be a topic on morning talk-back radio.
Notes: So a little while ago there was debate floating around about what women preferred to call a particular part of the male anatomy.



“So apparently girls prefer cock.”

Sam nearly spits his whole mouthful of coffee across the table and only just manages to swallow it before spluttering, “What?”

Dean has a magazine open on the table between them, his head held up by one hand while he is flipping pages with the other. It was a magazine that had been in a rack at the front of the café and Sam had been looking forward to teasing Dean about choosing Woman’s World over Modern Biker which had been the only other magazine in the rack

“Cock,” Dean repeats, like Sam has misheard and the woman in the booth behind them hustles herself and her three children out, taking a moment to glare at them over her shoulder.

“Well, yeah. Some do but then some-”

“Guys prefer dick,” Dean continues, blithely ignoring the alarming shade of purple his brother is turning.

“Not all guys,” Sam says, slapping an indignant hand on the table and Dean finally looks up at him and rolls his eyes.

“To say,” he clarifies. “What they prefer to call it.”

“Oh,” Sam says. “You mean what they call the penis?”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Always so clinical, Sammy.”

“I would’ve thought cock would be too harsh,” Sam says, ignoring the jibe. It’s a rare occurrence to be able to get into a debate with Dean about anything and despite the subject matter, he isn’t going to let opportunity just pass him by.

“It’s not as bad as the other C word,” Dean says and it’s Sam’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“The other C word?” he asks, incredulous. His brother is crass, sometimes bordering on downright repugnant and Sam is amazed to find that there is something he would draw the line at. Dean pulls a face as the couple on the other side of them also vacates, the woman loudly declaring that they are disgusting as they pass and the boyfriend tossing them a nervous glance like he’s worried if they take issue with what she said he would end up the one on the business end of someone's fist.

“Yeah. I mean, pussy’s fine but I hate the… other word,” Dean admits, taking a swallow of his coffee. He’d ordered scrambled eggs, layered ketchup on them and then proceeded to eat most of Sam’s pancakes.

“So what do they call semen?” Sam asks, finding himself fascinated. He supposes picking up the woman’s magazine wasn’t the dumbest thing his brother has done. He would never admit it, but he’d taken to perusing Jess’s stash whenever she’d left them out.

“Dunno,” Dean says, shrugging. “I like man-jam personally.”

“Yergh!” Sam exclaims. He’d been aiming his fork for Dean’s eggs and now diverts, stabbing Dean in the hand instead. “Never say those words before ten in the morning ever again.”

Dean scowls and rubs his hand, flipping the magazine closed.

“You’ve been with enough women that you should know,” Sam says and Dean looks thoughtful for a moment.

“Hang on,” he says. His voice goes up into a high falsetto when he adds, “Ow, you got it in my eye!” He blinks and chuckles. “Nope, just it.”

“Aw, gross!” Sam says, letting his head drop to the tabletop.

“Dude, you asked,” Dean says, sounding miffed.

[identity profile] huggenkiss.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 09:38 am (UTC)(link)
*laughs so hard her sides hurt* MAN-JAM!

man-jam.

Man-Jam.

*laughs and laughs and laughs*

Nope, it is never going to be not-funny.

I was drinking a glass of water and you made me SPIT IT OUT with that line!

But this, THIS is perfect Winchester boys:

“Hang on,” he says. His voice goes up into a high falsetto when he adds, “Ow, you got it in my eye!” He blinks and chuckles. “Nope, just it.”

“Aw, gross!” Sam says, letting his head drop to the tabletop.

“Dude, you asked,” Dean says, sounding miffed.


*starts laughing again and my sides are hurting even more* :D

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
Hehehee... :)
lark_ascends: Blue and purple dragonfly, green background (Default)

[personal profile] lark_ascends 2007-09-06 10:48 am (UTC)(link)
*laughs hysterically*

[identity profile] girlfan1979.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 11:05 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, absolutely freaking hilarious! Thank you for sharing.

Man-jam! I'm so calling it that, that's a great word.

You should totally write a sequel where Sam takes Dean to the Vagina Monolouges to get over his 'c-word' thing :D

[identity profile] iluvroadrunner6.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 11:31 am (UTC)(link)
where Sam takes Dean to the Vagina Monolouges to get over his 'c-word' thing :D

*dies* That would be an awesome fic. Like amazing.

[identity profile] misskatieleigh.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 11:21 am (UTC)(link)
oh boys ---


too funny Kel. ♥


'man-jam'....*snickers*

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
Hee... thankyou!

[identity profile] calijirl5150.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 11:23 am (UTC)(link)
ROTFLMAO -- The boys would make hilarious radio show host :D

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
Hahaha... a leetle scary though... :)

[identity profile] iluvroadrunner6.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 11:32 am (UTC)(link)
LOL--The idea of the two of them just sitting around, having this conversation makes me smile.

Nice job.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Hee... it just plonked fully-formed into my brain... :D

[identity profile] deirdre-c.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 12:08 pm (UTC)(link)
*snerk*

He’d been aiming his fork for Dean’s eggs and now diverts, stabbing Dean in the hand instead. :D

Mmmm. Breakfast.

(no subject)

[identity profile] deirdre-c.livejournal.com - 2007-09-10 03:38 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] lyore.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 12:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Love the reaction from the other customers! What a conversation to sit next too... especially when its said by such hot guys. Obviously neither of the women were slashers :P

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
Hahaaa!!

[identity profile] strangeandcharm.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 12:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Man-jam! Hee!

But I prefer "baby gravy" myself.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
Ewwww... *laughs*
tabaqui: (deangrinbydev_earl)

[personal profile] tabaqui 2007-09-06 12:39 pm (UTC)(link)
BWAAAAAAAAAAhahhahhahah.
Dude.
Perfect.
:)

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
Thankyou!

[identity profile] dolimir-k.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 12:42 pm (UTC)(link)
*incoherent from laughter*

Laughing this early in the morning...hurts!

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
Ooooh... *pats* :)

[identity profile] ignited.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 12:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, this is hilarious. They are such BOYS. And DORKS. Hee, I love the banter here! :D Great job!

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
Thankyou! I love when they're being dorktastic... :D

[identity profile] starrylizard.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 01:05 pm (UTC)(link)
*gigglesnorts*

[identity profile] purenightshade.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 01:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Man jam? That's a new one to me.

Sam should know better than to ask Dean those kinds of questions, especially at breakfast.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Absolutely if he wants to eat in peace... :)

[identity profile] logovo.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 02:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, this was perfect!
*laughs*

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
Thankyou!

[identity profile] lyra-wing.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 02:33 pm (UTC)(link)
You're ridiculous, baby, and I love you for it. ;)

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
Hahahaa... that's the way you like me, amirite? ;)

[identity profile] junalele.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 03:21 pm (UTC)(link)
The near coffee-spitting incident in the fic should have been all the warning I needed. Of course, I didn't take it seriously and thusly proceeded to eat my joghurt and then nearly coughed it all up over the "man-jam"... Man-jam... *snorkles*

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
Oh noes! Nothing worse than coughing up yoghurt...!! *laughs*

(no subject)

[identity profile] junalele.livejournal.com - 2007-09-10 15:26 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] iamstealthyone.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 03:27 pm (UTC)(link)
The boys can be so juvenile sometimes. *snickers* I love how Dean’s so matter-of-fact while Sam and the other customers are getting grossed out.

Favorite lines:

He’d ordered scrambled eggs, layered ketchup on them and then proceeded to eat most of Sam’s pancakes.

*snickers* Dean’s a hungry, growing boy.

He would never admit it, but he’d taken to perusing Jess’s stash whenever she’d left them out.

I love the image of Sam covertly reading Jess’ magazines. :)

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:46 am (UTC)(link)
Hee... thankyou!

[identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 03:32 pm (UTC)(link)
I added this to memories---right after I put back that lung I coughed up, laughing.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
Hahahaa... glad you enjoyed!
ext_12410: (spn - dean's :D face (by dev_earl))

[identity profile] tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 04:07 pm (UTC)(link)
cunt, dean. you can say it, come on. just imagine sam turning purple when you announce it in a crowded diner. :D altho i have to admit, i'm impressed that it's too crude even for him.

i love that sam's debate opportunity comes over what people call a guy's wang, and that he kind of takes it seriously once he stops choking on his coffee. dean's casual pronouncements are priceless, and "man-jam," which is completely disgusting, still made me snicker.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
Hehehee... I was originally going to go with "love gravy" but Dean seems to have a mind of his own when I'm writing... :D

[identity profile] empressvesica.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Dean would totally say "man-jam". *SNERK* Nice.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:52 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

[identity profile] angelsdee.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
OMGuh! That was so hilarious! Man-jam split my sides and the "Ow, you got it on my eye!" made me fall over.

Thank you for the laughter this early in the morning (well afternoon) for me.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:55 am (UTC)(link)
Thankyou for reading. :)

[identity profile] altiloquent.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 05:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Faaaaaaaantastic. I am going to be giggling all day over this.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:56 am (UTC)(link)
Thankyou!

(Anonymous) 2007-09-06 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I imagine this whole scene taking place in the same diner as the one that Pumpkin and Honey Bunny plan to rob in "Pulp Fiction" - the conversation just has that sort of feel to it.

Thanks for the laughs.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
Awesome... :)

[identity profile] relativity1953.livejournal.com 2007-09-06 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
I imagine this whole scene taking place in the same diner as the one that Pumpkin and Honey Bunny plan to rob in "Pulp Fiction" - the conversation just has that sort of feel to it.

Thanks for the laughs.

[identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com 2007-09-10 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Thankyou!

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