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Meme responses
So, apparently me posting that meme yesterday was *actually* inviting y'all to BREAK MY BRAIN!!!
So, without further or do, the fics that will never see the light of day. (And a lot of them really SHOULDN'T!!).
-SPN: John gives Dean a teddy bear for his birthday. It is not a weapon-
“What’s he doin’?” Bobby asked, appearing at John’s elbow.
“Don’t really know,” John replied, voice pitched low.
In the living room beyond, John’s two sons were engaged in quite different post-christmas morning activities. Sammy was running his new train around the floorboards, chanting “Vroom!” under his breath every now and again but Sammy making a train sound like the Impala wasn’t the strange thing.
It was Dean, sitting in the middle of the room with a teddy bear held in both hands, turning it over and over, a look of intense concentration on his face.
Sammy ran his train into Dean’s thigh and made impressive explosion noises. He sat back when his spectacular wreck didn’t get a response. “Whatcha doin’?” Sammy asked, using both hands to push his unruly hair out of his eyes.
“Looking for the catch,” Dean grumbled, frown on his small face deepening. John and Bobby looked at each other.
“What catch?” Sammy asked, righting his train and making a highway of Dean’s arm and shoulder. Dean shrugged him off and flopped down on his back, teddy held up above his face.
“The catch dummy,” Dean snapped. “To make the blade come out.”
He watched as Dean rolled over and sat up, looking from the bear to Sammy and back again. Then Dean looked at the train, plucked it out of Sammy’s hands and hefted it experimentally.
“Wanna trade?”
Bobby snorted and John put a hand to his face. “Maybe I should stop giving him weapons for his birthdays,” John said, grimacing.
- SG-1/SGA - Jack/Rodney mpreg-
“Okay, that’s it,” Jack grumbled, seeing the fifth woman that day to give him the evil eye. He stormed to Rodney’s quarters and slapped open the door. Rodney was curled on his side, hands framing his swollen belly. “Just what on earth have you been saying to the women?” Jack demanded.
“Nothing,” Rodney snapped, turning his head into his pillow.
“Don’t give me that. The way Laura Cadman was looking at me, I’m going to have to check my room for mines.”
“It’s just… you’re being so…” Rodney pulled his face out of his pillow long enough to glare. “Insensitive.”
“Oh for cryin’ out loud!”
-SGA - Rodney/Hermiod
“I think I’m dating Hermiod,” Rodney announced over breakfast. John almost lost his coffee through his nose, Teyla slapped a hand to her mouth over wide eyes and Ronon just blinked impassively.
“Why do you think you’re dating Hermiod?” John choked out, wiping streaming eyes on his arm.
“I was reading some of the translated Asgard texts and there was this section on… relations. Basically, because they don’t have sex, they have other ways to pair-bond. One of them is to have a regularly scheduled work arrangement.”
“So?” John prodded.
“So,” Rodney huffed dramatically. “Every second week I spend an hour going over the Daedelus diagnostics with the little guy when it’s here. We have a… thing.”
There was a moment of stunned silence, broken finally by Ronon.
“They don’t have sex?”
-SG-1 - All of SG-1 (season 9 era) shows up in the gateroom with no memories of the weeklong mission. And pregnant. ALL of them.-
“It’s not fair,” Daniel grumbled. Sam looked up at him from her sprawl on the VIP room couch.
“What’s not?”
“Cameron is glowing. I just look tired.” Daniel had been staring at himself crytically in the mirror for the last ten minutes. He’d started turning this way and that, staring at his ever-growing belly but he’d narrowed in on his face. Sam supposed the whole pregnant thing was just a little too big to contemplate and he was going for something smaller.
“And did you see Teal’c just now? He just loves being able to say that he’s eating for two.”
Sam eyed Daniel, one eyebrow raised and her hands settled on her own impressive stomach. “Why does it not surprise me,” she said, “That I am the only one actually freaked out about being pregnant?”
- SG-1 / SPN - Daniel Jackson is the Winchesters' long lost cousin.-
“So,” Dean says, watching Daniel flick through their father’s journal. “Apparently one branch of the family went supernatural while the other went alien.”
“Yeah, we’re a regular Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Special,” Sam remarked from the other side of the room. Every now and again the sounds of the pages turning was interrupted by Daniel snorting, “Now that can’t be right.”
“Hey. More of an open mind would be appreciated,” Dean snapped when Daniel let out one derisive snort too many. “We’ve accepted that there are little green-“
“Grey.”
“Fine. Little grey dudes out there so you can trust us on the whole demon and spirit thing.”
“Oh no,” Daniel said, looking up. “I do believe you about the whole demon thing.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Sam demanded, rising to his feet.
“It’s just…” Daniel held the journal aloft. “I mean, c’mon. Some of your Dad’s translations from the original latin are just downright appalling.”
- SG-1/BSG: Jack O'Neill meets Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica and they end up in the sack. Gee what a surprise.-
“Not that I’m complaining,” Jack said, running a hand down Kara’s flank. “But I think I was supposed to be somewhere about two hours ago.”
“You’re doing an inspection today?” Kara assumed, rolling over and digging her forehead into the hollow of Jack’s throat. “We weren’t expecting you.”
“That’s the beauty of a spot inspection,” Jack remarked and then frowned. “You weren’t just delaying me so your crew could get rid of the still I’ve been hearing about were you?”
Kara blinked her eyes wide and fluttered a hand to her chest. “Would I do something that underhanded and sneaky? Frankly, I’m shocked.”
“I’m just wondering who you got to try and divert Carter,” Jack mused and Kara’s smile dropped.
“Carter?”
“Yeah, came up on a transport about ten minutes behind me. She has this crazy notion that you guys would try something like this. Nice to know we were wrong.”
- SG-1 - Carter finally marries... General Hammond.
“It was a lovely ceremony.”
“Drop it, Sir.”
“No. I really mean it. There were flowers and music and…ow ow ow!”
“I warned you.”
“But you and the General made a lovely couple. I especially liked that he was made to wear the ceremonial dress because in their culture the longer haired individual is the male of the pairing.”
“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”
“Hell Carter, I can’t exactly tease my superior officer about it, now can I? You’ll just have to accept teasing for two.”
---
And, I'm DONE!
So, without further or do, the fics that will never see the light of day. (And a lot of them really SHOULDN'T!!).
-SPN: John gives Dean a teddy bear for his birthday. It is not a weapon-
“What’s he doin’?” Bobby asked, appearing at John’s elbow.
“Don’t really know,” John replied, voice pitched low.
In the living room beyond, John’s two sons were engaged in quite different post-christmas morning activities. Sammy was running his new train around the floorboards, chanting “Vroom!” under his breath every now and again but Sammy making a train sound like the Impala wasn’t the strange thing.
It was Dean, sitting in the middle of the room with a teddy bear held in both hands, turning it over and over, a look of intense concentration on his face.
Sammy ran his train into Dean’s thigh and made impressive explosion noises. He sat back when his spectacular wreck didn’t get a response. “Whatcha doin’?” Sammy asked, using both hands to push his unruly hair out of his eyes.
“Looking for the catch,” Dean grumbled, frown on his small face deepening. John and Bobby looked at each other.
“What catch?” Sammy asked, righting his train and making a highway of Dean’s arm and shoulder. Dean shrugged him off and flopped down on his back, teddy held up above his face.
“The catch dummy,” Dean snapped. “To make the blade come out.”
He watched as Dean rolled over and sat up, looking from the bear to Sammy and back again. Then Dean looked at the train, plucked it out of Sammy’s hands and hefted it experimentally.
“Wanna trade?”
Bobby snorted and John put a hand to his face. “Maybe I should stop giving him weapons for his birthdays,” John said, grimacing.
- SG-1/SGA - Jack/Rodney mpreg-
“Okay, that’s it,” Jack grumbled, seeing the fifth woman that day to give him the evil eye. He stormed to Rodney’s quarters and slapped open the door. Rodney was curled on his side, hands framing his swollen belly. “Just what on earth have you been saying to the women?” Jack demanded.
“Nothing,” Rodney snapped, turning his head into his pillow.
“Don’t give me that. The way Laura Cadman was looking at me, I’m going to have to check my room for mines.”
“It’s just… you’re being so…” Rodney pulled his face out of his pillow long enough to glare. “Insensitive.”
“Oh for cryin’ out loud!”
-SGA - Rodney/Hermiod
“I think I’m dating Hermiod,” Rodney announced over breakfast. John almost lost his coffee through his nose, Teyla slapped a hand to her mouth over wide eyes and Ronon just blinked impassively.
“Why do you think you’re dating Hermiod?” John choked out, wiping streaming eyes on his arm.
“I was reading some of the translated Asgard texts and there was this section on… relations. Basically, because they don’t have sex, they have other ways to pair-bond. One of them is to have a regularly scheduled work arrangement.”
“So?” John prodded.
“So,” Rodney huffed dramatically. “Every second week I spend an hour going over the Daedelus diagnostics with the little guy when it’s here. We have a… thing.”
There was a moment of stunned silence, broken finally by Ronon.
“They don’t have sex?”
-SG-1 - All of SG-1 (season 9 era) shows up in the gateroom with no memories of the weeklong mission. And pregnant. ALL of them.-
“It’s not fair,” Daniel grumbled. Sam looked up at him from her sprawl on the VIP room couch.
“What’s not?”
“Cameron is glowing. I just look tired.” Daniel had been staring at himself crytically in the mirror for the last ten minutes. He’d started turning this way and that, staring at his ever-growing belly but he’d narrowed in on his face. Sam supposed the whole pregnant thing was just a little too big to contemplate and he was going for something smaller.
“And did you see Teal’c just now? He just loves being able to say that he’s eating for two.”
Sam eyed Daniel, one eyebrow raised and her hands settled on her own impressive stomach. “Why does it not surprise me,” she said, “That I am the only one actually freaked out about being pregnant?”
- SG-1 / SPN - Daniel Jackson is the Winchesters' long lost cousin.-
“So,” Dean says, watching Daniel flick through their father’s journal. “Apparently one branch of the family went supernatural while the other went alien.”
“Yeah, we’re a regular Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Special,” Sam remarked from the other side of the room. Every now and again the sounds of the pages turning was interrupted by Daniel snorting, “Now that can’t be right.”
“Hey. More of an open mind would be appreciated,” Dean snapped when Daniel let out one derisive snort too many. “We’ve accepted that there are little green-“
“Grey.”
“Fine. Little grey dudes out there so you can trust us on the whole demon and spirit thing.”
“Oh no,” Daniel said, looking up. “I do believe you about the whole demon thing.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Sam demanded, rising to his feet.
“It’s just…” Daniel held the journal aloft. “I mean, c’mon. Some of your Dad’s translations from the original latin are just downright appalling.”
- SG-1/BSG: Jack O'Neill meets Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica and they end up in the sack. Gee what a surprise.-
“Not that I’m complaining,” Jack said, running a hand down Kara’s flank. “But I think I was supposed to be somewhere about two hours ago.”
“You’re doing an inspection today?” Kara assumed, rolling over and digging her forehead into the hollow of Jack’s throat. “We weren’t expecting you.”
“That’s the beauty of a spot inspection,” Jack remarked and then frowned. “You weren’t just delaying me so your crew could get rid of the still I’ve been hearing about were you?”
Kara blinked her eyes wide and fluttered a hand to her chest. “Would I do something that underhanded and sneaky? Frankly, I’m shocked.”
“I’m just wondering who you got to try and divert Carter,” Jack mused and Kara’s smile dropped.
“Carter?”
“Yeah, came up on a transport about ten minutes behind me. She has this crazy notion that you guys would try something like this. Nice to know we were wrong.”
- SG-1 - Carter finally marries... General Hammond.
“It was a lovely ceremony.”
“Drop it, Sir.”
“No. I really mean it. There were flowers and music and…ow ow ow!”
“I warned you.”
“But you and the General made a lovely couple. I especially liked that he was made to wear the ceremonial dress because in their culture the longer haired individual is the male of the pairing.”
“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”
“Hell Carter, I can’t exactly tease my superior officer about it, now can I? You’ll just have to accept teasing for two.”
---
And, I'm DONE!
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